This post is a continuation from the one about how to be a powerful ‘black’ person. Find that one here.
(basically just working out the syntax of people’s submodalities, both your own & others’)
- Leaders show how they lead through their physiology.
- To fuel your body properly, you must breathe abdominally/ diaphragmatically (ie. expand your abdomen & diaphragm upon inhalation and contract upon exhalation), eat water-rich foods*, only eat as much as you need at a time, eliminate or limit meat in your diet**, and eat more fruit & veg (especially veg).
* or just drink more water.
** admittedly this I don’t do. Though I can easily do without it I like meat.
- All successful people know what they want. Ensure you do too (and note this is NOT the same as knowing what you don’t want), by:
- Stating your outcome in positive terms
- Being sensory specific (what it will look, sound, feel, smell &/or taste like)
- Having an evidence procedure, some way to track progress
- Being in control, making sure you’re doing it purely for yourself and not for others
- Ensuring it’s beneficial & desirable
THE 12 PRINCIPLES OF GOAL ATTAINMENT:
- Inventory your desires – what you want to be, do, have & share
- Make a timeline for when you want to achieve them by (roughly)
- Choose the 4 most important ones for the year
- Review those 4 against the 5 rules of making an outcome (mentioned above)
- List what resources you have
- Focus on when you used them best
- Describe how you’d have to be to attain those outcomes
- List what’s preventing their being achieved in the present
- Make a step-by-step plan of how to achieve the 4
- List your role models
- Design your ideal day
- Design your ideal environment
HOW TO GET WHATEVER YOU WANT – ASK!!!
- Ask specifically* (in detail – how, when by, why)
- Ask someone who can actually help (not drunken mates in a pub just as down on their luck as you)
- Create value for the person you’re asking, physically or mentally
- Ask with focused congruent sincere belief
- Keep asking until you actually get what you want! (most important step of all, don’t necessarily ask the same person or in the same manner)
* THE PRECISION MODEL:
(how to ask for what you want specifically. Right hand shows the main ways specificity is screwed up, left hand shows how to correct them)
|Left Hand, with modifications|
|Right Hand, with modifications|
- To create rapport mirror a person’s behaviour. It’s completely natural and normal so don’t feel like you’re trying to manipulate them or something. If you get confident enough try leading their behaviour (this is especially helpful if faced with an enraged person),
- With this you’re also paying attention to their physiology & language to ascertain their submodalities. This is the same as charisma.
(how people interpret info)
- Moving toward vs moving away from (aka. focusing on attractive stuff & how to get it vs unattractive stuff & how to avoid it)
- External vs interal frames of reference (whether you’re more motivated by others or yourself)
- Sorting by self vs sorting by others (whether you look out for yourself primarily or for others)
- Matching vs mismatching (noticing similarities or differences)
- Convincer strategy (ie. what does it take to convince you of something – seeing, hearing about, doing, reading about or a combination? And how often does it need to happen before you’re convinced – once, a few times, many times or every time?)
- Possibility vs necessity (taking action because you want to vs because you feel compelled to, or being motivated by choices & variety vs by straightforwardness/ simplicity)
- Working style (independence vs cooperation)
- Note: metaprograms are very easy to notice because they’re put into practice all the time!
HOW TO HANDLE RESISTANCE & SOLVE INTERPERSONAL PROBLEMS:
- Be flexible, use more than 1 approach
- Use the agreement frame (instead of saying but/ although/ however, which all ignore others’ perspectives, say and along with I agree/ appreciate/ respect/ understand)
- Practise arguing for a position you don’t really believe in
- Use pattern interrupts (if someone’s angry/ upset get them to unexpectedly think about something else, via questions or subject changes*)
- Remember: persuasion can be more effective than conquest, and behaviour isn’t immutable or innate
* Joseph gives a brilliant example of this. A therapist once had a client who claimed he was literally Jesus Christ! The therapist, without missing a heartbeat, got up and started measuring the guy’s bodyparts with a tape measure, then left the room & came back a few minutes later with 2 giant planks of wood & some nails! That snapped the guy out of it fast!