Poem: Protean Masculinity

As a boy I feared my adulthood,

Afraid that because I found girls’ brains as arousing as their curves

While football, cars & hip-hop honeys turned me off,

Because I measured success by the length of staying out of trouble

Not the length of my you-know-what,

And wanted children when I was still a child,

I might grow into a woman instead of a man!

Hid this sensitive soul in fleshly armour:

I was black, my beard grew thick,

I was muscular and had a big dick

But I didn’t dick-measure so I thought it was just average!

Not exactly ecstatic of my XY genome

But not ashamed either.

Didn’t explicitly know why my sex excelled in taking

Excess privileges from those with 2 X chromosomes

But I aimed to right those wrongs exactly. Why

Could that not be the be-all and end-all of masculinity?

Alas, for all my teen years

Stories of the lads’ escapades flooded my ears:

Tom smashed 2 birds in 1 stoned night,

Dick got more wifeys than a Chinese emperor,

And Harry’s banging the shawty I’m crushing on in Brazil.

Where was I?

Looking down from on high in my white fortress of chastity

“Knowing” when I find The One

All the piss-takes, weird stares and missed chances will be worth it

And I won’t have a string of STDs or baby mamas following me!

But the same pathway Neisseria meningitidis takes to cause meningitis

My blood-brain barrier was penetrated by the question:

What is manhood?

A satisfying answer took years of introspection

Shifting beliefs is like continental shift

I had to be incontinent,

Ready to surf the Noahic ebbs & flows of

Outdated opinions and untested experiences,

But finally I beached on the shores of a clear sunny conclusion:

It is whatever I want.

It’s:

Sometimes boastful, sometimes bashful

Sometimes running off my mouth til it’s spent, sometimes saving judgements for a rainy day

Sometimes pleasing your woman with your wonder schlong

All day and all night long,

Sometimes admitting you can’t keep it up!

Ready to fight – figuratively and/or literally

For my people, my family, my friends,

And ready to give up when they won’t do the same,

Taking pride in your good calls, your barking up the wrong trees,

Your running in the totally wrong forest

And even the rare times you did check the map!

Being honest when you don’t need the instructions and when you do,

Going to the doctor’s and still fixing your shit your damn self,

Intelligence to know “Hey, I can leave the toilet seat down!

Hey, I can sit on it!

I can even keep it all in the bowl!”

Hallelujah!

Being the insecure leader and the ballsy follower

Humble enough to boast you’re not a saint,

Proud enough to confess “Don’t forgive me Father for I have not sinned,”

Having the latest Nissan or Audi or Lamborghini

And the financial smarts to afford

The MOT,

The fuel,

The insurance premiums,

The maintenance,

The loan – IF you qualify,

The warranty,

The parking tickets,

The congestion charges

And the driving test!

Accepting you’re a Superman to some,

A Doomsday to others

And to the rest just a figment of the imagination;

If you’re rejected by that pretty woman walking down the street

Your ego don’t have to sink like Titanic.

Life is not a movie.

It’s a series,

Still ongoing so you’d better decide which characters to play.

Characters, plural not singular

Because adaptability is the name of the game

Of masculinity.

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