Tag Archives: anniversary

Theological Musings part 3 – SECOND KUFR ANNIVERSARY!!!

Now makes exactly two years since I left Islam. And I’m still all the better for it!

This post will be in two sections: an inventory of things Islam had done for me (I’ll let you decide what’s positive & negative), and an update on my current beliefs about divinity, morality, existence, etc.


  • Absolute faith that my religion was right, unending doubt over if I was following it properly or not
  • Confusion over whether humans really have free will or not
  • Definitive answer to the Problem of Evil (only after I’d finally resolved the free will issue!)
  • Daily moderate exercise, i.e. the 5 daily prayers

  • Sleep deprivation!!! (due to waking up for fajr most mornings, and in Ramadan waking up for suhr + fajr, then staying up for ‘isha + tarawiyh – especially bad when Ramadan’s in summer because night hours are shorter)
  • Decent sense of time without a watch/ clock
  • Guilt at my own emotions, especially lust – to the point that I lived in the fear of becoming a rapist
  • Fear of my own emotions, especially lust and anger
  • Patience, a.k.a. absence of ways to stand up for myself against verbal bullying
  • Selective critical thinking
  • Refusal to even attempt recreational drugs of any kind, legal & illegal
  • Prioritising the akhirah (hereafter) over the dunya (worldly life)
  • Disinterest in the dunya, resulting in dreading adulthood as I didn’t know what to do with it

(can’t blame that completely on Islam; also due to typical upbringing as a creative. Great talent, discouraged by mum from taking it seriously ’cause it “can’t be a proper job”)

  • Idealised understanding of Islamic history
  • Lack of understanding of personal history (because, similar to Khalid Yasin’s opinion of Malcolm X, I thought anything outside Islam was irrelevant)
I swear by Allahu ta’ala, to this day I maintain that Malcolm X’s existence only mattered once he became El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz!
  • Belief that all forms of sexual expression, contact & intercourse outside of heterosexual marriage were wrong
  • Subsequent failure to acknowledge how attractive girls can find me (admittedly still affects me)
  • Constant grappling with the issue of how Allah communicates to people, or why certain people are selected for prophethood and not others regardless of iman (faith)
Oi Moshe (Moses)! I don’t talk to humans, OK? Except you.
  • Effectively self-hatred (though I’d have disagreed at the time), since in Islam everything good you do originated from Allah & everything bad you do originated from you
  • Guilt that every sin I commit, even if accidental, could have me sent straight to jahannam (Hell)
  • Selective loyalty to family, lack of concern over having very few friends
  • Acceptance that I’m not normal
  • “Love what Allah and His messenger love, hate what Allah and His messenger hate”
  • Belief in beings I couldn’t empirically verify for myself, i.e. jinn & angels
  • No fear of death
  • No satisfying answer to the question “Why is suicide wrong?”
  • Don’t accept when people tell you about “knowing too much”, “too many questions”, that kind of shit. Find out for yourself
  • Constant arguments with other Muslims over being in one of the 4 schools of thought (I was in none; to me they were equivalent to sects and Allah said “Do not divide your religion”)


  • Happiness is the most important goal in life. I reckon Epicurus was on the right lines on how to attain it (though his book is fucking long & boring!!!)
  • All religions are ritualised attempts to meet that goal. Not necessarily a bad thing, as long as we remember that’s all they are and we’re smart enough to accept they work for some and not for others. Unfortunately most religionists aren’t
  • To disbelieve in Divinity just because of the existence of evil & suffering is a cop-out. Divinity is not responsible for evil & suffering, WE ARE! It’s our shit so we clean it up! To be honest I made this conclusion when I was a Muslim but out of my own thinking not from Islam
  • Without exception all religions are a mix of good and shit in differing proportions

  • In the words of Agent Six from Generator Rex, “Know what you want and make it happen. No excuses.”
(taking his own advice, if you know what I’m saying)
  • Prioritise this life over any life after death. We know this exists, we can only believe in the hereafter unless & until it happens. If it happens deal with it then. Besides, if the Abrahamic faiths are right, our conduct in this life determines our place in the hereafter so this is still more important
  • Total certainty that we have free will and are therefore co-creators of our own destiny. I say co-creators because other factors influence our destiny as well, e.g. upbringing, language, education, time & place, bodily health/ disability. Predetermination only sets a likely range of paths based on destinies created beforehand, it doesn’t exclude the possibility of new destinies
  • I have the right to address the divinity in any way I want. If I want to be grateful for something I’m happy about, I can. If I want to be effing & blinding ’cause I don’t like something that just happened to me, I can. Yes, I’m saying it’s alright to swear at ‘God’. It’s alright, It can take it
  • Just like religion, gender roles are inventions of human societies. They’re subject to change and can be adopted as-is, inverted, reinvented or ignored as and when it suits an individual
  • Gratitude that I’m not normal
  • Progress only gets made through bold actions. Any mistakes that happen therefrom will be rectified by more bold actions
  • Decisions don’t have to be made with full knowledge. They don’t have to be exactly “the right decision” either. Information can be gathered along the way, and decisions can be changed along the way
  • Law of Attraction
  • Islam is an inherently anti-racist religion. However, that hasn’t stopped Muslims being racist, in the past or now. Even Muhammad’s own grandkids were racially abused for being pure ‘black’ Arabs as opposed to ‘white’ Turks!
  • Regarding sex, mutual pleasure is more important than procreation. If a couple has children via unhappy intercourse, those children likely won’t grow up emotionally functional
Looks like mummy and daddy loved each other 6x very much!!!
  • Justice is spelt R-E-V-E-N-G-E. Revenge is spelt J-U-S-T-I-C-E.
  • Human understanding of divinity is heavily influenced by major historical events, but most especially by our own desires and psychological need for love & protection. There’s also the fact that we ‘need’ to see it as like us. That’s why all religions’ gods have human features like eyes, hands, feet, mouth, etc.
  • Ieshua (Jesus) was a bog-standard normal man. Nothing more, nothing less. Same with all other so-called prophets and demi-gods
  • Heaven & paradise are two different things. Heaven is the sky and outer space, paradise is the way Earth was and is meant to be
A salt lake in Ethiopia, example of Paradise