Tag Archives: booze

Doctor’s Notes

Subject name: England

Place of origin: island nation just west of Far West Asia (a.k.a. Europe)

Language: English

Diagnosis: severe attitude problem, specifically pessimism, alcoholism and moral superiority (self-proclaimed)


  • MORAL SUPERIORITY caused by centuries of ruling much of the known world, creating the trans-Atlantic slave trade in the Americas being the most significant example. Genocidal violence in the Americas, Australia, India, Kenya, South Africa and elsewhere excused, justified and handsomely rewarded, leading to severe emotional retardation. Modern symptoms include claiming foreigners should “go back to their countries,” upholding the current school curriculum (even while acknowledging its incurable failures), excitement at the Queen despite her figurehead status, passivity at the government’s unjust laws, pre-eminence of the English passport all over the world, and deeming itself synonymous with Great Britain/ United Kingdom.
  • PESSIMISM caused by role-playing as the world’s saviour and subsequent disillusionment when resisted. Also caused by its religious history, especially its many Puritan businessmen and leaders – one of whom successfully banned football – but also includes burning “witches” alive at the stake and believing children to be full of sin. Modern symptoms include using optimism as an insult and … Nowadays exacerbated by media fears of benefit thieves, the homeless, riots, immigrants, terrorists, teen parents, loss of English identity & values, and the weather.
  • ALCOHOLISM (probably) caused by Germanic heritage, in which it was normal to spend days on end drinking and not working. Modern symptoms include alcohol as the primary means of socialising otherwise people tend to remain distant, drink driving correlated with increased risk of road accidents and deaths, and having poor to no recollection of their actions when sober.

Medicine: rid England of its attitude problem.

Means to administer medicine: (doctor requires more time to decide, probably a few centuries)


The night I was struck by lightning was the night I almost died.

The night I almost died was the night I truly came alive.


Let me tell you how…


Before that bolt hit me I’d been living in a daze,

Always enthralled by every new trend and craze,

Never caring to think about the fate of my ways,

Yet sensing need for guidance out of my haze.


I’d been mentally empty, I knew that already,

But even I never knew exactly how unsteady

My soul was. I’d blamed the haze in my head-y

On my mum’s breakdown since dad got up and fled-y.


I mistook parties, booze, chicks & bling for success.

I caught at least 3 new girls a week, I’d proudly confess

To my mates, most of whom are now under arrest

For selling, using, making drugs. We all thought ‘twas bless.


Until that night…


The zap of that bolt as it hurtled down the oak tree

Shocked my eyes so that I at last saw clearly.

As my body numbed I at last knew that in me

Was the source of my woes, not dad or mum really.


As I lay barely conscious on the soil I heard my mates cry,

“It’s too late fo’ that sucker, he was dumb to keep hisself by

That tree. Oh snap, the 5-0’s rolling up! C’mon let’s fly!”

Crunch time: shall I live anew or cling to old ways and die?


Now I live, free from chicks, bling, parties & booze.

I’d thought that was living but it was nothing to lose.

I’m smarter, happier, better; now the only drug I use

Is knowledge of my Creator about whom I enthuse.


No more nameless chicks, I’ve settled down with a wife:

A gorgeous sable princess who’ll be mine for life.

Now I can read and write, getting my dream job was no strife.

Staying as I was would kill me but I dodged Reaper’s scythe.


There’s more to existence than this world all around;

We all are charged with the mission to envelop & surround

All people near to us with faith, and have each other bound

Together with peace and love, as what I have now found.


The night I was struck by lightning was the night I almost died.

The night I almost died was the night I truly came alive.