Tag Archives: sexuality

To The Men

To the men who wear

Their dicks between their shoulders

Instead of their legs,

I caught you.

Caught doing what? We ain’t dun nuffing bruv!

After that football match in Islington

You scarf-spanked a stranger’s ass without her approval

Expecting to blame the animal crowd for your wild urges

When I snarled at you.

In Morden you told your drinking partners

She’d be your second, third, fourth and fifth wife

Believing the night will cover your optic cheating

Like the bedsheets cover your wife from other men cheating on you.

That night after Notting Hill Carnival

All 6 of you tried to separate the chaff of me and my grown woman friends

From the grain of our underage girl friend

Just ‘cause you fancied some wheat-coloured meat.

In Dalston, shooting down the road on your bike

Your mouth fired,

“She looks like 21 magic mushrooms on the go fam!”

Yes. Women look daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayum good.

Yes. They may want to show some skin sometimes.

Yes. You are male.

(Men is debatable)

No. You don’t have permission to stare when she’s avoiding eye contact.

No. You don’t have permission to ask for her number when she’s on the phone.

No. You don’t have permission to touch.

Save your hands for when you get home

But please,

Don’t invite me to your garden.

I don’t wanna know how you ride your bikes like a pair of bitches,

How the white one’s easy & the black one gives you drama

And forget how you treat one better than the other.

If I had your vision,

If I were able to look at the opposite sex

And see inanimate frames to be

Bought, used, worn out, pawned off

(or porned off)

We might deal each other eye-to-eye

But I’m not that business-minded.

You need to crucify your eyes,

Bury them in 3 days of heart, brains

And the balls to doubt traditional gender roles

Then resurrect in the dawn of 20/20 vision.

Otherwise you’ll make me look bad.

Just because I’m one of you doesn’t make me one of you.

You can be blicker than Wesley Snipes

Or hwit as Stephen Thompson, 

Women will still confuse me for you.

I won’t put up with that.

Masculinity is mine for the making,

I am a conscientious objector

To your battle of the sexes.

I measure manhood

By how far you further your mind

Not by the one to twelve inches between your legs.

I call them

   

Women,

   

Ladies,

   

Empresses,

      

Goddesses

Not bitch, ho, bird, chick, slash, ting

Or any name that equally applies to non-humans.

When those carrier pigeons of misogyny fly from your lips

I will load my sniper rifle mouth with words of basic human dignity,

Shoot the nest in your skull that birthed those vermins

And then declare Open Season on all you fools.

You have been warned.

© One Tawny Stranger, September 2015

(WO)MAN

Masculine & feminine

Should not be as different as men & women are

Because men & women are not that different.

Back when we were breathing

Through our navels instead of our lungs,

Girls & boys couldn’t be told apart.

Why split our oxygen supply into two again

With this belief of masculine vs. feminine?

Yeah, why?

It might be politically incorrect

To believe the battle of the sexes can reach a solution,

But break the female party and the male party down to their constituents

And you’ll see they have correspondent members:

In puberty women’s busts went through a boom phase

While the prostate is a womb in recession.

The ballsack is the vagina’s left & right wings in alliance

To arrest the ovaries when they descend into testosterone-fuelled anarchy,

And the penis is a clitoris stuck in permanent inflation.

That’s why its pleasure is valued less.

The Qur’an calculates men having “a degree” over women

(Suwrah 4 ayah 34)

But that doesn’t add up

‘Cause women have the same number of hormones as us.

On the chromosomal level

X + X = viable,

X + Y = viable,

X + nothing = viable,

Y + nothing = extinct.

Can any religion minus that factor from their formulae

And still equal sexual justice?

If it could the god of Abraham would’ve commanded us

To lop off our penises and sow our scrotums up

As the God of cultural aesthetics commands us

To lop off girls’ clitorises and sow up their labia

But the God of human whims dictates that

Such misandry is not allowed.

(Anymore)

Now the pendulum of culture is swinging again

Away from men’s rule over women

– But which direction is it swinging?

© One Tawny Stranger, May 2015

Which Ancestors? (and other criticisms)

I think of myself as a pro-‘black’ man with a strong passion for knowing the histories and co-creating the futures of all ‘black’ people. I also sympathise with pan-Africanism, as I agree that we’re all better off uniting and supporting each other.

However, I’ve always hesitated to join any one particular movement. Why? Because no one has all the answers, and I hate when someone tries to force me to adopt an ideology in its entirety before I understand it to a degree I’m happy with. A few personal gripes I’ve had with formalised pro-‘black’ movements:

Ancestors: it kind of pisses me off when anyone, regardless of ideology, bangs on so much about ancestors. It creates a mindset that everything they did was right and we’re wrong for wanting to move on or do anything new. TBH that’s a remnant of my Muslim upbringing: following tradition for tradition’s sake is jahil (ignorant). I think that’s a very pragmatic approach. Furthermore, ‘ancestors’ refers to members of your family like parents, grandparents, etc. This is meant to foster a sense of pride in oneself due to knowing we have royalty, scholars, die-hard survivors, revolutionaries and other great people in our DNA. Bit of a backfire, though, if our bloodlines also include assholes, traitors, cowards, rapists and the like.

But from going to so my meetings it’s now clear that they’re not talking about all Africans in the past, nor about members of any particular person’s family tree. They mean any Africans & Afro-diasporans whose lives contained examples of constructive positive action. In a sense, we choose our ancestors! That I can relate to.

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El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz (formerly known as Malcolm X) – HOORAY!

Queen NyabinghiHOORAY! 

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Dr Martin Luther King Jr – HOORAY!

Women of the Aba Rebellion 1929HOORAY! 

Afrika: some claim it’s a more accurate spelling of Africa. To me it makes no difference, except that it kind of looks cooler. It’s still a word of west Asian (European) origin, so until we come up with/ discover an indigenous term for the continent the spelling is irrelevant. Since everyone uses the term Africa/ Afrika nowadays, it’s easiest to stick with it for now. Speaking of indigenous names…

Alkebulan: allegedly the original indigenous name for Africa. Being the detail-oriented person I am, I like to know which language that word came from, exactly when and where it was used, etymology, that kind of stuff. To date I’ve not met a single person able to answer any of those questions. Even the Africans I’ve asked have never heard of it. Sounds like a hoax to me.

No gay Africans: this is the position often held nowadays that homosexuality among ‘black’ people never existed until ‘whites’ came along with their TAST shit. All ‘black’ gays are either agents or sexual victims of the ‘white’ supremacy system. Not just homosexuality, but all non-heterosexual relationships didn’t exist before ‘white’ people. So there were no transvestites, transsexuals (including eunuchs), zoophiles, asexuals, bisexuals, etc. Supposedly, even the gender roles have remained exactly the same throughout all of Africa in all time periods. Men were always warriors & providers, women were always nurturing mothers, and couples were always married. So how about:

  • Baka babies being breastfed by their dads- what?
  • Woodaabe men wearing make-up – what?
  • Mino (all-female warriors of Dahomey) – what?
  • Yoruba women using marriages for personal economic gain – what?

Admittedly I’m not the expert on this topic. But I’ve been reading Eccentric Yoruba’s blog and I find it extremely informative. She’s all about evidence of gender & sexual fluidity in pre-colonial Africa.

Unity: nothing wrong with it. It’s for the good of us all. BUT we cannot and must not be united all the time. Sometimes it’s easy to think we’re supposed to be united in everything, like groupthink. Disagreement is forbidden! However, as humans we should know that everyone is different. Being ‘black’ doesn’t erase other aspects of our identity, like being:

  • female
  • Somali
  • Anglophone
  • male
  • old
  • Hindu
  • asexual
  • Christian
  • Mensa-level mathematician
  • young
  • introvert
  • environmentalist
  • bisexual
  • anal about timekeeping
  • amputee
  • underweight*
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* Oh dear God no.
  • financially independent
  • Francophone
  • married
  • Jewish
  • visually impaired
  • Yoruba
  • victim of domestic abuse
  • childless
  • extrovert
  • dwarf
  • widowed
  • Tuareg
  • unmusical (me!)
  • Spider-Man otaku

You get the picture.

To achieve proper unity, our goals must have the common aim of benefitting all ‘black’ people. Except those who demonstrate a desire to maintain racism/ ‘white’ supremacy, of course. For the sake of those goals, differences in identity must be put aside or used as sources of inspiration/ experiences to draw on. Which brings me nicely to my next point…

‘Black’ = African: Not all pro-‘black’ people spout this, but there are some who reckon that being ‘black’ (wholly or partially) makes you African. I wholeheartedly disagree. ‘Blackness’ is a skin colour, a metaphorical one at that, and one that people didn’t usually give a shit about before colonialism. ‘Africanness’ is an identity, one that only came into being by European definition. The IsiZulu, Ndi-Igbo, Somalis, Fulanis, San, Ovuhimba and the rest didn’t consider themselves the same until colonialism. That’s not to say they were mutual enemies, just that they recognised their differences as well as similarities and got on with their own lives.

Also, just by the process of enslavement most of us are what I’d call Afro-diasporans – not Africans! We (‘black’ people who’ve been in the Americas & Caribbean for the past 500+ years) are not African anymore. We were forced to lose our original names, languages, cultures, clothing, inheritance, knowledge of our bloodlines, even basic self-love! Furthermore, we now have the opportunity to become African again by going to vacation/ live/ work there, and most of us don’t want to. We have more opportunity than ever before to learn the greatness of native/ pre-colonial Africa, and thankfully an increasing number of us are curious. BUT there are still many others who aren’t. So how the fuck are we African?

Not to mention ‘black’ people whose geographic link to Africa ended tens of thousands of years before ‘white’ people existed:

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Jarawa tribe members, Andaman Islands, INDIA

 

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Aboriginal AUSTRALIAN hunter
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Aeta children, PHILIPPINES
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Tamil refugees, SRI LANKA
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Native children of SOLOMON ISLANDS near Australia (yes they are naturally blond without European influence)

 

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Shammar horse rider, SAUDI ARABIA
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Ainu woman, JAPAN

All ‘black’, none African.

Then there are the ‘white’ people who’ve lived in Africa, predominantly north, for centuries (I don’t mean albinos), which I won’t go into now.

Mythology: the amount of fantastical shite being spouted by otherwise conscious ‘black’ people is astounding. The most recent one I’ve heard is the Eve gene, a gene that enables women to birth all the different varieties of humans. Only ‘black’ women possess it. This I find no fault with, as it’s been demonstrated throughout all of human history. However, there’s another aspect of it that hasn’t been scientifically demonstrated – it enables women to reproduce asexually (parthenogenesis). To date no-one has shown that humans have this power. Another I’ve heard is that women used to have a gland that produced sperm just like men. Again, women used to be able to self-impregnate. Somehow at some point they lost this gland. Hmmm…

Also, many people are being more vocal about adopting traditional African culture. Not inherently bad, depending on which cultural aspects are being adopted. Is it right to do FGM, forced fattening, scarification, knocking out your lower incisor teeth, stretching out your necks with giant bangles, etc. just because it’s traditional? Again, jahil.

Kemet (ancient Egypt): nothing wrong with it. It’s very useful to know Kemetians were ‘black’, especially since their influence is glorified in western media while their identities are hidden. However, some pro-‘black’ people think Egypt was the origin and pinnacle of African civilisation. Total dogshit! Kemetian royalty at various points in history were a bunch of inbreds, siblings marrying each other & all that. Kemet freely exchanged ideas and cultural traits with neighbouring Nubians. That’s why Sudan has more and older pyramids than Egypt! What we call north they called south and vice versa, because they looked up, ie. south, to their original homeland: Punt (Horn of Africa). This means they recognised the debt of their existence to their ancestors, whom we now know as Somalis/ Ethiopians.

Not to mention the myriad of other African civilisations and creations: Enkis Calendar, Mali Empire, Aksum, great walls of Benin, Dahomey Empire, Songhai Empire, otjize, Nok civilisation, Fulani Empire, Shona metallurgy, adinkra cloth, Meroe, Numidia, Mutapa Empire, Nri Kingdom, Kongo Kingdom, Carthaginian Empire… I could go on all night! But I won’t. For now…

List of Influential Books

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In accordance with my predominantly scholarly role*, I’m making a list of the sources of my information in my life. This is a list of some of the books I either have read or am reading, in no particular order. If I’ve listed any of the ISBN codes as 10 digit numbers, the full code is always preceded by 978 unless stated otherwise:

Continue reading List of Influential Books

Human sexualities

 For those who don’t know, a sexuality is a state of sexual attraction. It can also be called sexual preference, sexual expression or sexual orientation. It is not the same thing as sex or gender. Sex refers to what one is biologically; male or female (plus a barely-known 3rd category called intersexual). Gender refers to roles that society, families and peers influence people to adopt (or reject), which starts happening at a very early age. Sexuality, on the other hand, refers to one’s likes/ sexual urges.

Most people in the West have been raised in a paradigm that says one’s sexuality (whatever it is) is genetically determined and therefore immutable. Despite the search for the “gay gene” or any genes that are related to sexuality, none have been found. See NARTH for further reading.

Dean Hamer, American geneticist who tried (and failed) to find

a definitive biological origin for sexuality.

Though he admitted his failure, nowadays the gay lobby claims he succeeded!

Anyway, here they are:

heterosexual: also known as straight, hetero or het. Its prefix hetero- is from Greek heteros and means other/ another. This is when one has sexual attractions for someone of the opposite sex (ie. female liking male, male liking female). This is and always has been the norm for humans; we wouldn’t have made it to 6.8 billion without it!

 

homosexual: also called homo, gay* or bent. Its prefix homo- also comes from Greek, homos, and means same. This is when one has sexual attractions for someone of the same sex (ie. female liking female, male liking male). However, in common usage it tends to allude just to the male variety.

* Note: until the 1940s gay meant happy, merry, joyful. This meaning hasn’t completely died out.

 

lesbian: specifically female homosexuality. As far as I know there’s no male-only equivalent.

 

bisexual: also called bi, ambisexual and ambisextrous. This prefix is from Latin – bini which means double or twice, while ambi- (Latin) means both. This refers to when one has sexual attractions for both sexes, and is often seen as a kind of crossroad/ state of “confusion” between gay & straight.

 

transsexual: more of a sexual/gender identity than a sexuality. Also called tranny, transie, transgender, MTF (male-to-female), FTM (female-to-male), transman (FTM) and transwoman (MTF). The prefix trans is Latin and means across, beyond or through. This means someone who either has been surgically altered to have the features of the opposite sex or wants to be, often because of a belief of having been “born in the wrong body”.

Note that surgery only affects physical appearance, it can’t affect one’s sex (because sex is genetically fixed) and doesn’t necessarily affect sexuality. MTFs can like either women or men (or both), as can FTMs.

 

(Note: intersexual is not synonymous with transsexual. An intersexual is someone whose natural phenotype [physical features] can’t be pinpointed as specifically male or female. This can be because of intrauterine [in the womb] hormonal imbalances or unusual chromosome combinations that cause genetic females to exhibit male gentials – or vice versa. This is to do with biology and therefore doesn’t affect sexual attraction. Also be aware that intersexuals are not the same thing as hermaphrodites, though they used to be. Hermaphrodites are organisms [most likely not humans] whose genitals work just like those of males and females. This is completely normal in many invertebrates)

 

pansexual: means someone whose sexual attractions aren’t limited to any biological sex or gender identity (ie. includes intersexuals, transsexuals and everyone else). This means they’re more inclusive than even bisexuals. The prefix pan- is Greek and means all or every (as does the Latin omnis). Synonyms include gender-blind and omnisexual.

 

LGBT: an acronym for lesbian, gay, bi and transsexuals. It’s effectively a catch-all term to mean pretty much anyone who’s not straight.

 

Here are some sexualities that are usually ignored or not known about:

 

asexual: someone who has no sexual desires. This is not the same as being celibate or virgin. Celibacy is when someone chooses to abstain from sex for whatever reason, but this doesn’t mean they stop feeling sexual desires. A virgin is someone who’s never had sex (yet).

 

demisexual: a person who only gains sexual attraction to someone they have strong emotional attachments with. Part of the grey-A, which describes a range of states between sexual & asexual. Sounds like the perfect romantic, but in practice it doesn’t quite work like that because sexuals often initially see them as ‘just friends’ and thus may not see them as potential partners.

 

antisexual: a person who believes sexual activity or sexuality is wrong. This is pretty much the same as celibacy. Such people may still have sexual impulses but just ignore them. Funnily enough, it is possible for antisexuals to form romantic relationships – they just don’t include intercourse.

 

Alfred Kinsey himself.

Look how he’s eyeing up that woman!

Remember in About me when I called myself Kinsey 0 heterosexual? This refers to the Kinsey scale (aka. heterosexual-homosexual rating scale), a method of assessing one’s sexuality named after Alfred Charles Kinsey. This scale goes from 0 to 6 (plus an 8th category called X):

 

0 = completely straight

1 = predominantly straight

2 = somewhat more straight than gay

3 = slap-bang in the middle, ideal bisexual

4 = somewhat more gay than straight

5 = predominantly gay

6 = completely gay

X = asexual

 

As you’ve seen, there are many more sexual preferences and identities than are accounted for on this scale. Mind you, this is only 1 of over 200 sexuality rating scales. See Wikipedia for more info.

 

So there you have it, sexualities. Note that due to its behavioural/ psychological nature sexuality is unfixed and can be changed, though often with considerable effort. In fact, NARTH specialises in helping gays become straight if they so choose, and advocates recognition of the mutability of sexuality (which the American gay lobby wishes to deny). To some this sounds ludicrous, or even homophobic, but it’s a truth that’s being very actively suppressed.

 

(Update: as I wrote this post back when I was Muslim, I revoke this last part about NARTH. I wasn’t aware of the harm gay conversion therapies inflict, not to mention the moralistic/ condescending Christian undertones. Of course people can in theory choose to change their sexuality, but the issue is why they want to change. That still works on the underlying assumption that some sexualities are “wrong”. Regardless of the nature-nurture debate around sexuality, it’s wrong for anyone to say any of them are wrong. As long as the attraction/ activity is between mutually consenting adults and no physical/ mental harm is caused, it’s all good.)