Tag Archives: UK


I’m a cliché.

I put my childish manhood to the test,

Didn’t stay to hear if I got a B or G

But either way I wish I’d failed.

My girlfriend is still waiting for me to collect the certificate.

My unborn is the road of my future,

My soles trample all over it

As I try to run away.

My dad did the same. I wonder:

Did his feet scar this same path

I promised I wouldn’t follow in?

Did he pass this McDonalds

Remembering how he and mum had to keep shtum

Because the toilet walls weren’t very soundproof?

Does he smile in regret?

I do.

I’m dropping out of parenthood

Because I know absence will always be there

When I’m not sure I should be.

Once upon a time absent fathers were fictional creatures.

Now fiction is factual,

We’re the villains to the next generation of potential and ambitions.

Is it any wonder they can’t spell happily ever after?

Is that what I want?

Do I want to be the ghost writer

Of a life I half-published?

Or do I want to retake?

Have to face my previous results though.

If it’s a G

I’ll finance her Further Studies so

She won’t have to sell her curves to be paid some attention.

If it’s a B

I’ll lift him into Higher Education so

He can look down on man-dem telling him to man up.

But am I up to it?

© One Tawny Stranger, June 2015

Doctor’s Notes

Subject name: England

Place of origin: island nation just west of Far West Asia (a.k.a. Europe)

Language: English

Diagnosis: severe attitude problem, specifically pessimism, alcoholism and moral superiority (self-proclaimed)


  • MORAL SUPERIORITY caused by centuries of ruling much of the known world, creating the trans-Atlantic slave trade in the Americas being the most significant example. Genocidal violence in the Americas, Australia, India, Kenya, South Africa and elsewhere excused, justified and handsomely rewarded, leading to severe emotional retardation. Modern symptoms include claiming foreigners should “go back to their countries,” upholding the current school curriculum (even while acknowledging its incurable failures), excitement at the Queen despite her figurehead status, passivity at the government’s unjust laws, pre-eminence of the English passport all over the world, and deeming itself synonymous with Great Britain/ United Kingdom.
  • PESSIMISM caused by role-playing as the world’s saviour and subsequent disillusionment when resisted. Also caused by its religious history, especially its many Puritan businessmen and leaders – one of whom successfully banned football – but also includes burning “witches” alive at the stake and believing children to be full of sin. Modern symptoms include using optimism as an insult and … Nowadays exacerbated by media fears of benefit thieves, the homeless, riots, immigrants, terrorists, teen parents, loss of English identity & values, and the weather.
  • ALCOHOLISM (probably) caused by Germanic heritage, in which it was normal to spend days on end drinking and not working. Modern symptoms include alcohol as the primary means of socialising otherwise people tend to remain distant, drink driving correlated with increased risk of road accidents and deaths, and having poor to no recollection of their actions when sober.

Medicine: rid England of its attitude problem.

Means to administer medicine: (doctor requires more time to decide, probably a few centuries)