In the name of God/s, part 8: LaVeyan Satanism

  • Founder/s: Anton Szandor LaVey
  • Approximate age: 50 years
  • Place of origin: USA
  • Holy book/s: The Satanic Bible
  • Original language of holy book/s: English
  • Demonym of adherents: Satanists
  • Approximate number of current global adherents: 100,000
  • Place of worship name/s: church of Satan

All of my info comes directly from the Church of Satan website. This may come as a surprise to some, but there’s a lot of stuff about this religion I like & agree with.

Sweet Mary mother of God! The Antichrist is already here!!!


“Real” (by their definition) Satanists do not worship Satan. Just like me they believe Satan is a figment of the imagination and nothing more. Moreover, they choose to use Satan as a symbol to represent certain ideals: pride and self-love, liberty, pursuit of material goals, conditional kindness, vengeance, responsibility rather than scapegoating, etc.

So what do they worship? Themselves. They recognise no being worthy of worship except themselves. This doesn’t mean they regard themselves as omnipotent, omniscient & all that shit. They just recognise their own creative power (one of the defining traits of a god), as we all should.

They also recognise that, as much as we don’t like to think so, humans are just another species of animal. We’re no better, and usually worse, than other beasts.

Satanism has an equivalent of the 10 commandments, the 11 satanic rules of the earth and the 9 satanic statements. In case you’ve got preconceived notions, read them. See how “evil” they are.

The 11 rules:

  1. Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.
  2. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.
  3. When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there.
  4. If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.
  5. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.
  6. Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.
  7. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.
  8. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.
  9. Do not harm little children.
  10. Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.
  11. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.

The 9 statements: 

  1. Satan represents indulgence instead of abstinence!
  2. Satan represents vital existence instead of spiritual pipe dreams!
  3. Satan represents undefiled wisdom instead of hypocritical self-deceit!
  4. Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it instead of love wasted on ingrates!
  5. Satan represents vengeance instead of turning the other cheek!
  6. Satan represents responsibility to the responsible instead of concern for psychic vampires!
  7. Satan represents man as just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all-fours, who, because of his “divine spiritual and intellectual development,” has become the most vicious animal of all!
  8. Satan represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification!
  9. Satan has been the best friend the Church has ever had, as He has kept it in business all these years!

The last one cracks me up! LMAO!

I also like one of the site’s articles that clearly delineates what they mean by atheism. Satanism doesn’t categorically deny the existence of a god in the traditional sense, just says it’s pretty irrelevant in the context of normal day-to-day life. So it’s about practicality not statements of absolute truth. That would be tantamount to claiming omniscience. However, Satanists are completely free to believe in whatever the fuck else they want. Atheism proper does not exclude the existence of or belief in unicorns, dragons, fairies, angels, afterlife, psychic powers, aliens, etc.

So I can has existence too?

Yes Spaghetti-and-Meatballs god, you could exist too.

If Satanists wanna look into them or believe in them, no-one’s gonna stop them. It’s not like Scientology.

Oh, here’s something ‘black’ people can learn from: OWN YOUR SHIT!!! They explicitly state the Satanic Bible is for sale, not for free PDF downloads! That’s what I call ownership!

Some things I don’t like:

Satanism has split into two branches, theistic & atheistic. Atheistic describes the above, but the theistic kind actually believes in Satan as a supernatural being! Though they don’t see it as omnipotent like God, more like a patriarch. The atheistic kind, however, don’t see them as true Satanists at all. As much as I like the atheistic kind, I did specify at the beginning of this post series that I’ll regard all self-proclaimed followers of a religion as legit. Therefore for the purposes of this post, both are true representatives of Satanism. Regardless I unashamedly prefer the atheistic branch.

That’s about it. Wow, a religion I only have 1 gripe with!

Oh no, wait.

What exactly is magic? They talk about lesser & greater magic but I couldn’t find a clear answer on what magic is. I’m speculating, judging from some articles, that it’s the process of having an intention or goal, focusing on it and working to actualise it. If so, all good. If, however, they reckon it works by contradicting the laws of nature that’s bollocks.

Update: I’ve found out what greater magic is. Defined by LaVey himself, it’s the use of ritual (individual, collective or both) to express and understand one’s emotions. 👌

One other thing: the site. On a few pages there are pics of fully-clothed men surrounded by naked women. It comes off a bit like that episode in Highschool DxD when Kokabiel said to Issei (paraphrased):

“Join me, and you’ll have countless beautiful girls hurling themselves at you all day, all night long!”

It  can come off as commercialising women’s bodies, if not outright misogyny. Not too dissmilar to a certain high-profile person.

Hey, at least these broads is wearing clothes!

To find out more, visit

Back to Part 7

On to Part 9

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